Soo why is Massachusetts so friggin cold?? I miss Texas and Oklahoma and Georgia. Why are people so fake?? I mean even my own family members are always lying to me… I’m like wtf, ur like 14 and I’m friggin 20, I mean get real and grow the fuck up. Omg so yeah I turned 20 and 5 February 29th!!!!! I’m stoked!! I’m so friggin pumped up for like the past 2 weeks!! But omg I’m so friggin tired and I haven’t slept in 2 days!! Ugh!!
today i watched tv all day long…. my back is killing me and i am sooo tired!! i didnt sleep well at all last night and i have a feeling tonight is not going to be any better.. i have to be up at the butt crack of dawn to leave my cousins house to go to church all the way out on the other side of the state pratically lol. well its more like an hour and a half long drive. we all just watched coraline and it is soooo ah-may-zin-gah!! of course being the nature of the type of movie it is i am going to have some strange dreams tonight, that is if i do fall asleep tonight!!!
why is my brain so dead?? i mean i cant remember hardly anything and i am so stupid all the time i just dont fit in with anyone cuz im just too stupid to know how to fit in!! im almost 20 years old and i have never fit in anywhere. not in school or the army or church or with any of my own family… i am just not supposed to fit in anywhere i suppose… guess my life is just a string of lies and forbidden desires… i am so alone in this world and noone appreciates me so why should i appreciate myself??
if love is a flower and music is the honey then your song is the sunshine!!
v1 she sits by the window with wandering eyes
she has a song in her heart and a golden disguise
her body is torn because age doesnt heal
she’s not letting on about the pain that she feels
b1 but she knows in her soul that it wont be too long
till jesus comes back to carry her home
c1 and there will be no more pain no more sorrows no
more waiting for elusive tomorrows there will be no
more pain no more sorrows no more waiting for
elusive tomorrows
v2 she sits in the corner with arms open wide
she sings herself to sleep cuz of the hurt that she hides
her heart is broken because time only lies
she just needs a friend to help her through these hard times
b2 but she knows in her soul that it wont be too long
till jesus comes back to carry her home
c2 and there will be no more pain no more sorrows no
more waiting for elusive tomorrows there will be no
more pain no more sorrows no more waiting for
elusive tomorrows
she can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. she smiles when she feels like screaming and she sings when she feels like crying. she cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid. her love is unconditional. there’s only one thing wrong with her, she forgets what she’s worth.
DANCE as though noone is watching, LOVE as though you’ve never been hurt, SING as though noone can hear you, LIVE as though heaven is on earth
music is my life’s passion. i dont know what it means to you, but to me, music is my life. i may not know a whole lot about it, however, it consumes my life, and i cannot get enough of it. noone will ever begin to understand how i feel when my song comes on, the connection i get with the lyrics and the instruments. the way the tune moves, i am always in step with it, i am always swaying to the beat of it. i walk to the main beat of the song, and i run to the bass of the drum. music is always in my heart and on my mind. i cannot escape its gravitational pull on my life, even if i wanted to. whenever i listen to my music, i just sit back and let the notes wash over me and fill my heart mind and soul with its goodness and warmth. i live in the music. i get angry when people say they love a song, however, they dont listen to the words, or live by them. when i love a song its because of the words that explain who i am, my life or how i feel about a situation or something. it is rare that i like a song solely for the beat of the music. my songs have deep meaning to them and to me… i cannot live without my music. i will literally go crazy…. the main reason why i was so afraid of going to basic training was because i was afraid that i would lose my love of music, however, being there in oklahoma only strengthened my love for it. i sang every single day and i am even more hooked on it than before, and i didnt even think that would be possible!!
When I look in the mirror I see scars, walls, masks, and brokenness. Nothing more, always less. When he looks at me, he sees past all that, he sees more then I’ll ever see in myself.
He’s in my thoughts and in my dreams. He’s still in my heart because I will never stop loving him. I don’t know how he can just pretend like it all meant nothing to him. Like I was really nothing to him. Unless none of it was ever real in the first place. So I just had an epiphany. I told him I wasn’t gonna run away, and now that we’re over, I still can’t run away. I’m stuck here in this confusing spot and I can’t get myself outta this hole.
